It’s the second day of my thirties and I’m still at least 75% in shock.
You see…I had the most incredible incredible day on Saturday.
I decided myself to throw a Baconfest2012 party- wherein each guest was asked to bring something which contained bacon. Boy did they deliver: bacon guacamole, bacon wrapped breadsticks, chocolate covered bacon, bacon pinwheels, perogies and shrimp wrapped in bacon, macaroni & cheese with bacon…the list is endless and I did not get a single picture which is bad-bad-blogger of me. But, I was too stunned to take a picture.
Ryan had been hinting for a few weeks that he had a surprise for my birthday planned. He’s never been good at surprises, mostly because I figure them out every time. I would never have guessed this- not in a million Baconfests. He had arranged, long before this trip even, with Brandee (@Babe_Chilla) to have her fly out from British Columbia to Ontario FOR THE NIGHT, just for my birthday and surprise me. And she did. Ryan left to pick up beer Saturday afternoon & when he came walking in the backyard with it, Brandee was trailing behind. I saw her & literally thought to myself: “I know her.” and then froze solid. My entire body went numb and cold and all I remember doing is shouting “NO!” out loud over and over as I ran toward her. Brandee…standing in my backyard…for reals real. And then she stayed. For my party, at my house. I am still in shock at the whirlwind of awesome that it was and can’t possibly thank the two of them (and Andrew!) enough for giving me something I would have never had the balls to ask for but they both knew would make my entire soul light up from the inside. My face felt like my wedding day again, plastered with a huge smile, my eyes all wide and incredulous, so much love and so many thanks and too many things I can’t describe in coherent words.
Then Brandee not only got to meet my friends and see my house and get Maëlle’s multiple chewed up foods plastered in her hand, she also got an entire 30 year history of my life. My best friend Jenifer came up with an idea to highlight 30 things from my thirty years. She, Ryan and my mom put together this yearly run down of my life. I laughed, I was embarrassed, I was proud…it was so awesome. Ryan read me a poem which was equal parts hilarious and sweet, my mom & my grandparents dug up old things from my early days & Jenifer allowed me the opportunity to finally tell my Dad about that time I was 15 and drank an entire mickey of Mailbu rum with a shot glass then landed flat on my face. Everything a thirtieth birthday is meant to be:)
As if that wasn’t enough- we got to the year 2012 and Ryan talked about this blog and all that it’s given me and now all that it’s given us and before I could gather myself, I was staring at Brandy on FaceTime on my NEW iPad! That’s when I hit the wall. That’s the moment I was overcome. Imagine sitting in a crowd of your oldest, your newest, the best parts of your life. Imagine having it smiling back at you, proving that you’ve done yourself so proud. Imagine feeling for real, all of the love you’ve given out over three decades of your life. Imagine the impossible: pride and love, reflected back at you in all the faces of all the people who have touched your life in a way that left an impression.
I want to speak more eloquently about everything. Describe just how amazing I felt. I flew that night. Just flew on adrenaline and love and this incredible feeling of contentment. It’s indescribably peaceful to sit in a chair in your own backyard and listen to the hum of your past. To truly be faced with the decisions you’ve made and be told: you done good.
I have done good.
I am so proud of my life.
Of all the people that are in it. I’m thankful for the people that aren’t anymore because without them I wouldn’t be me. And I like me. My daughters are so happy, so gorgeous, so full of life, so true to themselves. My friends lift me up when I need it and stand beside me and laugh with me through the rest of my life. My family holds my hand just enough to feel supported and not smothered, they encourage my life and prove to me that what I’m building may look slightly different from the one I grew up in but the love is rooted the same and that’s what counts. My husband. There has never been a doubt that he’s my lobster…it’s for life. You know how I know? He hears me. He sees me. He knows me. We are equals and he may be the most romantically patient man on the face of this earth and my life has simply glowed with him in it.
Thank you, my lovely people. Thank you for everything.
If I thought you could stand 1000 more words and 1200 more pictures, I would describe to you the way my brain is firing at 100% capacity, how full of promise my thirties are and why I know that’s true. I would tell you that I cried and cried and cried because it’s unbelievably believable that I have built all of this.
Thank you. To everyone who helped me celebrate in any small or large way. Thank you Brandee for 39hours and the most gloriously tired feeling I have in my eyes today. Thank you Ryan, thank you Jenifer, thank you Mom. Thank you friends, thank you grandparents & Baconfest guests. Thank you readers, thank you loves of life.
I love my life.
Thirty is going to be indescribable.