Did I Ever Tell You…

A collection/curated works of random stories from recently…

1- I must have a super friendly face. Because a few weeks ago, at Value Village, I was standing in line waiting to pay for my new bird shirt. Some guy standing in line with me was holding a pair of hockey pants. He cleared his throat & says to me, “I’m going to ask you a very strange question & you can definitely say no, but I’m wondering if you’ll help me?” Then he asked me to try on the hockey pants (over my clothes, you pervs!) because his daughter was about my size and he wanted to see if they fit. I cracked the hell up. And tried on the pants. And the 7 people at the cash snorted in laughter. And, because I’m a blogger & lack shame, I became irrationally pissed that I got no one to take a picture. But I did get a picture of the bird shirt. Because? BIRD SHIRT! (and also because #urinaledition…)

and lipstick to boot. RAWR.

2- Maë plays this game right now where we sit on the couch and she stands behind the coffee table & asks: “Wha you want?” and we have to order something. The menu at her restaurant is very limited & she will tell you if you don’t want something. Me: “Please may I have pizza?”, Mae: “No. You want egg. ….  Here. You like it? Yeah, you like it. You welcome.” She will also allow for you to say that you do not like her selection. But beware, once you say you don’t like cheese, you may never ever eat cheese at her restaurant again.

3- Maë watches so much Toopy & Binoo that she can predict what the characters are looking for before they announce it. And she often knows a few lines off by heart. I feel less shame about this than I should, because it’s adorable.

4- Ryan just got back from a bachelor party weekend in Chicago. He is the Best Man in his lifelong friend’s wedding in September & Ryan planned a surprise weekend in which Jason assumed he was going camping with Sarah, his fiancee. Everyone pulled off the surprise so well that, since Jay thought he was leaving Friday morning for camping, he stayed up until 2:00am on Thursday looking for the perfect campsite. Derp. And also? Hilarious.

5- I saw commercials for the replaying of Game of Thrones on HBO all summer and I got more excited than is deemed appropriate. I’m going to watch them all. ALL THE WATCHINGS!

6- I hate olives.

7- I like raisins…but I hate when they are baked into anything. It’s bizarre.

8- My outside gardens look fantastic. I have been building at them for over 18 months and really made them into something I’m proud of. Three weeks ago I brought in some succulents I found mysteriously growing in my herb pots. I planted them all cute in Mason jars because…well, Pinterest…and lined them up on a shelving unit in my kitchen. They looked so Martha Stewart that I was constantly trying to take pictures with them in the background so people would think: “Damn, that girl’s crafty and cool!” I water my outside gardens once a day, almost every day. I get super angry at myself if I neglect it. I killed those succulents in a week and a half inside my house. I looked at them every damn day and I could not get off my ass enough to water them. I kill every plant inside my house. So please know, when you come visit? That leafy green thing you see all cute on the chest of drawers? Is fake. Plastic and it could probably use a dusting. Keepin it real.

…alright…I think that’s it for now.

Thanks for stopping by to read my drivel. Have anything you’d like to share? Funny stories are welcome in the comments section, please to be leaving me a piece of your soul via wordpress. Much obliged, smooches!