external validation is some shit. #dothething

I’m barely going to preface this long absence for you by saying these things:

• Bella is doing amazing and my family is surrounded by incredible people who bring our very best qualities into the very best lighting
• it’s been awhile, I haven’t wanted to write here
• I’m taking a writing workshop and it’s beautifully kicking my ass and I love it

External validation is actually some shit.

Like. I edit out so much of my shit because I’m like “oh, this might piss off someone” or “this is challenged by this theory or parenting method or lifestyle choice” or literally whatever and I actually in the end don’t care because I don’t think about it after I hit publish but at the time I’m pretty worried about it.

Why?

For what purpose?

I write. I like it. I am a writer.

I am a writer.

I write.

If I’m truly just writing, then it’s just for me. You can disagree and that’s ok because I didn’t write it for you. You write for you. I’m going to write here for me. And in my notebook. And in the one I keep beside my desk when I forget my notebook. And in my Google Drive. And in my iPhone notes. And anydamnwhere because I’m busy and that’s how it all works and when there’s inspiration and Muse and space, I have to quick and dirty get the words down. And that’s not probably how you pictured your Writers, and it’s maybe not how Writers work but it’s how this writer works.

Sometimes I have to transcribe what I shouted into my phone recorder app during a drive home. Still writing.

Sometimes I’m up at 11am trying not to look like I’m crying. Still writing.

Sometimes I’m hammering out swears at 9pm on a Wednesday. Still writing.

Sometimes I get two sentences in and lose the thought. Still. Fucking. Writing.

It’s all very unsexy, this process.

It’s all very uneven and it feels like you’re the only one who does it this way and that’s ok because you are. And it’s still writing. Your shit isn’t original, and that’s ok. It’s still writing.

Write because you love it, because it calls to you, because it makes you feel a thing you can’t get anywhere else.

Write because you’re good at a thing.

Write because it’s the only way to think through the stuff that rolls around your brain.

Write because it’s brilliant…even for a second.

Write because you’re the only one who will say Those Things exactly the way you’re going to say them.

Write because it’s beautiful.

To reveal your soul and leave it out on display.

To pull out the parts you keep buried because that’s safe, and reveal them because that’s inspiration.

External validation is some shit.

Write for you.

Write because you can’t think through it unless you write it.

Write because you think in prose.

Write because it matters.

Do the thing.

#dothething